Show it Off!!

Conner had a Circumcision revision in November. A couple of weeks later, Steve took him to see the Pediatrician, Dr. Phillips, for a respiratory infection.

They were waiting in an exam room, Dr. Phillips walks in, Conner pulled his pants and underwear down to his ankles and said.....

"Dr. Phillips, I got a new Penis."

 

Dr. Phillips calmly said, "Well, I knew you were going too, let me have a look."

 

Oh My!!!!!!

 

(3.5 yrs old)

I Lost my Sexy!

 

The other day while driving to the mall, Conner was eating cheetos in the back seat.

I hear "Oh Nuts, I dropped Cheetos all down my shirt, Now I'm not SEXY anymore."

 

What do you say to that?

 

(3.5 yrs old)

Home Alone at 3 yrs old???

So, Conner has watched "Elf" with Will Ferrell about 75 times this month, no exageration. Probably not the best parental decision we've made, but he loves it.

So, driving down the road today from the back seat,

 

Conner-  "Mommy, I think I want to stay home by myself one day."

 

Me- "Well, what would you do all day?"

 

Conner- "Well, I would dress up like an elf, chop down some trees, decorate the house, make spaghetti, go to the North Pole, and Ride the Polar Express."

 

Oh my, don't turn your back on him because he has a plan.

(3.5 yrs old)

I Smell Nutella

 

While walking toward the restaraunt in the hotel, you could smell the breakfast buffett.

When getting close, Conner says

"Oh Great, It smells like they have Nutella!"

 

He loves Nutella!

(3.5 yrs old)

Waitress Love

 

 

We were staying in the Galt House Hotel in Louisville this weekend. Our waitress Saturday night was catering to Conner's every need. He ordered corn dogs as soon as she approached our table the first time. We didn't even have drinks ordered. She said, "If he is ready to eat, I will get it immediately,"

Then, she brought him a bowl of croutons, then later a bowl of potato sticks, then later she pushed his chair up to the table more.

When she started to walk away,

Conner said "I think I want to go home with her!"

(3.5 yrs old)

Kindergarten

They must talk a lot about kindergarten in preschool. He has a lot of questions about kindergarten.

Today he asked "Mommy, Is kindergarten one day long, 2 days long, or a long time?"

I said, "Kindergarten lasts one year, then you go to first grade, then second grade, and then third grade."

He interrupted and said "Oh My Gosh, that is so long, I am going to be so so tired, what are we gonna do about it?

(3.5 yrs old)

Break from Baths

Last night, Conner walked into the kitchen and announced to me,

"Mommy, my knees hurt, so I am not going to take another bath for 2 weeks."

 

And out he ran on his hurting knees.

 

(3.5 yrs old)

Grandmother/ Dancing with the Stars

The other night, I attempted to watch the season finale of Dancing with the Stars. I told Conner to sit quietly so I could see who wins tonight.

He said "Yeah, I think Grandmother is going to be on there tonight and she is going to wear one of those short shirts."

My Grandmother is 80 plus.
(3.5 yrs old)

New Nanny

Conner's Grandma Elfreich (Nanny) told me this yesterday.

Conner-  "Nanny, I want a new Nanny."

Nanny-  "Why"

Conner - "Because you are old."

You're Fired!!

Conner is a dilly dallier. Are those even words? He is never in a hurry and has no sense of time. Not that he should at 3, but he makes busy morning frustrating. He always has another agenda.

So, I usually tell him, "If you don't hurry up, you will make Mommy late for work and she will get fired."

Steve has started telling him the same thing. "I will get fired."

I guess we never really explained this one enough.

Today, Steve took Conner to school. He takes him to the classroom, and Conner starts pushing him out the door saying "Go Daddy, hurry, you are gonna catch on fire."

Steve - "No, I'm not Conner."

Conner- "Hurry daddy, you are gonna catch on fire."

Steve- "What are you talking about?"

Conner- "If you are late, the people you work for are gonna set you on FIRE!"
(3yrs. 5 months)

Pray for the Cooks!

Here are a couple of interesting prayers we have came across lately:

During the festival, our cousin Mike came in town. When we were in Michigan, Conner accidentally colored on his table at his restaurant with a Sharpie. We made a big deal about it so he knew it was wrong. Well, we left a week later and Mike still couldn't find a cleaner to get the sharpie off the table.

When Mike came in town for the festival, He told Conner that he finally found a cleaner to get the marker off the table.

That night the prayer went "And Dear God, Thank you for letting Mike find the special cleaner to get that mess off his table that I made with a marker, Amen."

Tonight I was leading the prayer...

"We want to Thank you for everyone at Daycare, Ms. Andrea, our teachers, Ms. Joan (administrator), the cooks who make our food......"

Conner breaks in "NO, NO, NO, don't pray for the cooks mommy, they don't cook, they just buy the food and warm it up, they don't really make it."
(3 yrs. 5 months old)

 

Did we pay?

We are completely out of our house, the new owners are moving in. We have been staying at our apartment for one week now, and trying to get everyone into a routine at our new place.

Every morning for a week, it went like this. Get up, get ready for school, bags, purses, lunch, etc.

Head to the door, grab the bag of trash out of the kitchen, go to the car, load the trash in the trunk, (YUCK) and drive to the entrance to deposit the trash in the dumpster. Every day!

Thursday, Trash to the dumpster, and Oh Yeah, I'm gonna run into the office and pay the rent. (By the entrance to the apartments).

Conner-- "What are you doing?"

Me- "We have to pay to live here." "I am paying them."

That was fine for him.

The next morning, same ol thing, trash to the dumpster, back in car, put it in drive,

from the backseat "WAIT!!!"

Conner- "You didn't pay to get out!"

Me- "What?'

Conner - "Yesterday you went in and paid them money so we could get out!"

Me- "No, that was rent money so we can live here, just once a month."

Conner- "So, they are gonna let us out for FREE today?" (3 yrs 4 months)

 

Can you Drive That?

Yesterday, Conner was with my parents. I had been driving the pick up truck that day and Steve was in the work van. We met at Best Buy to park the work van and head to Santa Claus together.

That night, we got back to Best Buy, Conner with us this time and Steve got out to drive the work van and I slid across the front seat of the pick up truck. Conner said "Hey, What are you doing?"

I said "Sliding across so I don't have to jump down out of this big truck."

Conner said "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Wow, being questioned by a three year old. I said "Why, Yes I do."

5 minutes down the road, Conner said, "Well, I guess you do know how to drive this thing, you are doing pretty good."

(3 yrs. 4 months)

 

Diarrhea?

I was telling Conner that I picked up a gift for his friend Morgan's Birthday. He said "What did we gt her?" I said " We got her a Diary." He said "We're giving her Diarrhea?" He was so serious.

(3 yrs 4 months old)

Time out can be TOO Cushy!

Steve put Conner in time out today at my parents house. He told him to sit in this chair and don't move. Steve had to go outside so I took over the time out watch. Conner got off the chair, and I said "What seems to be the problem that you got off the chair?"

Conner's reply "I don't want to take my Time Out in this COMFY CHAIR."

 (3 yrs. 3 months old)

Where does Jesus go to Daycare?

Conner and I have been reading about Jesus. I explained last night that Jesus was born in a manger to Mary and Joseph. Conner said "I thought Jesus was a man."

I said "Well, he is a man, but he started out as a baby, just like you did."

He thought about it and replied "Well, what daycare did he go to?"

I was taken off guard and said "Deaconess."

Today, Conner and I were talking about how you shouldn't pick your nose and how some of his classmates eat their boogers. He then asked me why God put little hairs inside our noses.

I had the correct medical answer for this question.

He is always thinking!

(3 yrs. 3 months)

Put the Seat Down!!!!

                                           When I went to the Bathroom Yesterday

Me- (Hollering into the LR)- "Conner, you forgot to put the Toilet Seat down again."

Conner (Who has came to my bathroom door to further our conversation) "Are you tired of that?"

Me- "Tired of What?"

Conner- "Me not putting the toilet seat down?"

Me- "Well, since you asked, I am tired of you not putting it down."

Conner- "Well, I am tired of putting it down for you."

(3 years, 2 months old)
 

Are you Talking to yourself?

One weekend I was telling Conner that I was going to a baby shower and he was gonna stay home with daddy.

His reply: "Do they have a bathtub there?"

A few weeks ago when Conner stayed at Shirley's sick from school, I picked him up and was driving down the Loyd. I heard him in the back seat having a conversation

"I just don't know, maybe I will Pick it up" and a whole bunch of jabber.

I said "What did you say?"

He said "Nothing"

I said "I thought I heard you talking."

He said "Oh, I am just talking to myself like Nanny does all the time!"
(3 yrs. 3 months)

 

Are you Sick Mommy?

Today on the way to daycare....

Conner- "Mommy, why is your hair falling out?" (We have to remove my hair ball from the shower drain every night before he can take a bath.)

Me- "Well, I guess because I am under a great deal of stress and I am getting old."

Conner- "Well, sick Jamie's hair fell out and you said she is very sick and on medicine.

Are you sick mommy?"

Oh my, what a tear jerker. Conner thought his mommy had cancer. He was so worried.

(3 yrs. 2 months old) 

Where's the new house?

Yesterday, I picked Conner up from daycare.

ME- "hey Conner, you know how we pray every morning in the car on the way to school and ask God to help sell our house? Well, our prayers were answered. We sold our house today!!!!!!!!!!!! Someone bought it!"

CONNER- "Yeah" and then a high five to me.

We head home, pull down our street, and turn into our drive.

CONNER- "Well, where is it?"

ME- "Where is what?"

CONNER- "Our new house?, Why didn't those people that bought ours take it with them?"
 (3 yrs old)

 

God in Pajamas

More funny things Conner said recently.

*Me- "Conner, do you want to go outside and listen for the owls?"

Conner- "No, maybe later when I change my mind."

* Conner and Steve went to Hooters for dinner the other night. When they got there, they were having a car wash outside and the Hooters girls were wearing Bikinis. When they were ordering their food, Conner asks the waitress, "Why are you only wearing your underwear?"

 

*When getting ready for bed-

Conner- "Mom, what do you think God is doing right now?"

Me- "I don't know, what do you think God is doing?"

Conner- "He probably just finished his dinner and his mommy is putting his pajamas on him so he can go to bed."

(3 yrs old)

1,2,3

More Crazy things Conner Says......

When pulling out of my parents driveway on Easter, we roll down his window so he can yell "BYE."

He yells, "BYE, Love you, I'm Sexy and I know it!"

At Dinner tonight...

Me- "Conner, you have to take two bites of that meat or you are not going with your dad to pick up the trailer. Eat your meat. BOTTOM LINE!

Conner ... "But I don't like Bottom Line Meat!"

While at my parents, I was trying to get Abby to come to the bedroom to get dressed for the day.

I kept telling her to go to MeMaws room so I can dress her.

She kept ignoring me.

Me---- "Well, Abby, When Conner won't listen, I count to three."

Me---- "One....."

Conner ----- "GO Abby, GO!" (along with a shove)

Me----- "Two!"

Conner------ "Go Abby, Go!" ( Another shove harder than the first, then physically trying to pick her up and take her to the bedroom!"

Conner------ "It ain't pretty if SHE says THREE!"

 

In the truck, Conner and Steve leaving to go pick something up. Conner crawls in the front seat and into the back seat into the car seat. Steve backs down the driveway.

Conner from the backseat------ "UHMMMM.... Did you forget something?"

Steve turns around and finds Conner holding up his lose, unfastened car seat straps.

Steve buckled them.

Conner------- "Well, Looks like I am going to have to tell Mom about this!"
(2 yrs. 11 months old)

Change your Batteries??

Here are some of the latest funny things Conner has said...

Steve had Carpal Tunnel Surgery two weeks ago. The morning of the surgery, I asked Conner if he had any questions about what was going on. He asked if I would be with Daddy during Surgery?

Who was the Doctor? Where will mommy wait for him? Will he come home that day?

And the best question..........."Will the doctor change daddy's batteries while he is in there?"

 

The other day, I had a green shirt on. Conner said "Mom, I like your green shirt. Where did you get it?"

I said "Thank you, I don't remember where I got it."

Conner said "At the GREEN SHIRT store?"

Last week, Steve was testing the hot tub water and adding the tons of different chemicals it takes every week while Conner was outside playing.

Conner said "Why do you put all those CONDIMENTS in the hot tub?"

Conner woke up one morning, told me he had to go poop and went into the bathroom.

He came out a few minutes later, never asking for a wipe.

I said "Well, how did it go in there?"

Conner said, "Well, my poop won't come out."

I said, "OH, so what seems to be the problem?"

Conner said seriously "I guess my poop is still sleeping, it will come out later when it wakes up."

Conner got a boo-boo while playing with Brady. He was showing me his knee and telling me he was just playing too hard.

I said "It looks like you got a little strawberry on your knee."

He said "No Mom, it is not a strawberry or a blueberry, it is a boo-boo."

I then got the look like I was by far the STUPIDEST person alive!

(2yrs. 10 months old)

Bless you Lightening McQueen

Conner is the leader of our dinner prayer every time before meals. This is how it went the other night.

Conner-

"Bless us O Lord,

and these thy gifts,

which we are about to receive,

from thy bounty,

through Christ our Lord,

and Lightening McQueen (Cars the Movie)

Amen.

Does Anyone want a pickle?"

We don't always thank Lightening McQueen for dinner, but this night, I guess he thought we should!

(2Yrs 10 months)

 

MeMaw Stole all the Kisses!

Funny Things Conner Has Said Lately!!!!

• "Mom, you are so Pretty and Handsome."
• "I'm Sexy and I know it" -- He got this From the Radio
• When our house phone rings, I don't usually even go see who it is, I just let it ring because it is always tele- marketers. Conner asks why I don't answer it? I say because I don't want to talk to that lady. One day when I was in the shower, I got out and Conner said "Mom, your phone was ringing." I said "Oh, Well, who was it?" Conner replied "Probably that girl you don't like to talk too,"
• While still wearing diapers, one day in our living room,,"Conner, did you poop?" Conner replied "UM No, It was probably Sophie or Abby." They live an hour away!
• When I started wearing ponytails again,,,,,Conner---"Mom, I like your PONY HAIR."
• When at a party, My dad said "I am going to go check the paint on the back of the barn." Meaning 'I am going to take a leak.' When he came back, Conner said "How was the paint back there Grandad?"
• On Conner's recent parent- teacher evaluation, it listed his interests as..... Cars, painting, outdoors, books, and .........ISABELLE!!!
• When at the mall this week and riding the large train that goes through the mall, we sat in the front car behind the driver...... Conner said "Look mom, all his hair falled off!" (It really had, he was just calling it as he saw it)
• When someone asked him for a kiss, he said "I'm all out of kisses, Me Maw stole them all!"
• 

   
• When we pulled up to the parking garage at the hockey game, he lifts up his change purse and says "I Brought money for the parking garage!"
• I got pulled over by the cops Saturday night in the big town of Santa Claus, IN. I was telling Conner that I was passing in the wrong lane and the cop stopped me and told me I was being bad and to stop it... Conner said "Did he tell you to go sit in the Hallway and don't come out?" (the hallway is his timeout place.)
• This summer when leaving the campground and sitting in the truck waiting our turn to dump, Conner from the backseat says "Mom, lets pray!" I said "OK, Who are we going to pray for?" He said "My Daddy." (who is sitting in the front seat). I said "That is very nice, Go ahead!" Conner folds his hands and says "Bless us O Lord, and These thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from thy bounty, AMEN," I guess it is good to be prayed for even if it is the prayer before meals.

If I don't write these things down, I will forget them because there is always something new coming out of that kids mouth!!!!!

(2 yrs 8 Months old)

Conner's Work

Almost every day on the way to School, Conner asks to see Mommy's work. So, we drive by the Surgery Center and then go to daycare (Same Campus). I always tell him that "mommy and daddy have to work today so you have to go to daycare." Then he will usually say something like "Mommy go fix boo-boos, daddy go fix houses, and Conner go to school." Well, last Friday, I picked him up from daycare and we were almost out of the building to the car when he stopped and said "Wait, Mere, Show you!" This means "Wait, come here, I want to show you something." So, I follow him as he leads me all the way back to his classroom door. He stops, points inside the classroom and says "Conner's work, .......Conner works HERE!" I said 'Oh wow, what do you do all day at your work?" He said "Play, Paint, and UHmmmm .... go outside." What a tough job Conner has. So, today after school, I took him on a little field trip to the Evansville Surgery Center and let him see the inside of my "Work." He got to see the pre-op, the break room, and the locker room. He also got to look back the hall to an operating room. He saw a patient being transported. All of the ladies at work were making quite a fuss over him and he was very embarrassed.

 

Funny

Now that Conner talks all the time and has a very extensive vocabulary, the blank looks he had as a baby where you say "I wonder what he is thinking" have come to LIFE in words!!!!

Some of the Funniest, tickle my funny bone moments are:

1. When we put out our lawn furniture this summer he said- "Look Mommy, a couch outside!"
2. When we were driving on Green River Road by CVS's digital Billboard he said- "Look Mommy, a TV outside!"
3. When shopping at Dillards the other day in the toddler department he said- "That Boy has no head or feet!" referring to the children manequins.
4. When sitting next to a semi hauling brand new cars to a dealership he said- "How those cars jump up there?"
5. When taking a bath, he pointed out a bug bite and said- "Bug Bite me, Mommy take it off."
6. When seeing a convertible with its top down he said-"Mom, look over there, look that!" He just didn't have many words for this one.
7. When we were getting ready to draw a bath and he saw a large wad of my hair gathered at the tub drain - I said "Ewe Gross, all of mommy's hair is falling out" He responded "Mommy, Put it back on !!!"
8. After bathtime, I put this anti-itch medicine on Conner's bug bites. It has a picture of a mosquitoe on the jar. I always say "Where are your bites at today?" He points them all out and we put the cream on them. Well, Monday night, he said- "Put Cream right here Mom, Sammy bite me!" Sure enough, he had a human mouth mark on his wrist where his classmate Sammy had bit him that day. He thought that cream was for all types of bites.
9. Steve and Conner went to the airport to watch Stanton and Shirley's plane leave for Alaska. We went back to pick them up when they returned home 12 days later. While waiting and watching for the plane to arrive, he said- "Nanny and Papaw come out of the sky Now???????" He thought they vacationed in the sky for 2 weeks. This is my favorite!!!!!!!
10. 

    
    

     
 
11. (2yrs. 3 months old)  

Bless Us O' Lord

For a couple of weeks, Conner is all about saying his ABC's and counting to 10. In the beginning, he left out TUV and 4 everytime. But, over the past couple of weeks, he has pretty much mastered them both. He can also say the prayer before meals without much help. Used to, we would say a verse and he would repeat it until we were through. Now, he says a verse and we reapeat him.

This is how the prayer went Friday night:

Conner-"Bless us O Lord"

Steve and Tam- "Bless Us O Lord"

Conner - "h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,p"

Steve and Tam "h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,p"

You just got to go with it when they are learning so many new things at once!

 

(2yrs. 3 months old)

He Tickles My Funny Bone!

This is my newest blog created to capture all of the funny, witty, and hilarious things that fall out of Conner's mouth. He keeps up laughing. I try to capture all of them in his blog so we don't forget them. But, I am afraid they will get lost in the middle of all the potty training, Halloween, or camping posts. So, this blog is strictly the funny things he says. They great thing about these blogs is that you can make them into a book and print them to keep forever. So, Conner, will get to read this book one day and laugh about what a comedian he is.

 

You will get to revisit some of his funnies with me.